Perfecting the softies

Tomorrow will mark 4 weeks since the exchange surgery. The insicions are GORGEOUS and healing better than I could have imagined. In time you'll hardly see the scars at all. At times I find it hard to wrap my mind around the fact that these new things are MINE!!! Through the expansion process there was a temporary mindset. I knew they were part of a process and were paving the way to something else, they weren't mine and my time with them had an ending. They were preparing me for something permanent, something bigger. (Pun intended!)

Last week I sat sat topless in one of the cold office rooms that have become too familiar to me. This time was different than the times before. The excitement of expansion had ended and my usual bubbly self had been replaced with a nauseated version full of anxiety. I knew I would be seeing my surgeon to check on my progress and the dreaded topic of nipples was one that would soon be discused; I didn't feel ready. Thankfully I had my husband by my side giving me all the support I would need.

Dr Hagarty carefully looked over thing one and thing two in their new soft form and was both concerned and worried about the current state of my implants. My thin skin and tiny frame is allowing imperfections to show and the differentiation between the implant and the alloderm has produced a noticeable ridge leaving my gorgeous implants looking strange and unnatural. I have begun physical therapy which involves 20 minutes of rigorous massaging three times a day to try to loosen the band of muscle enough to stop it from pulling. We hope that this will help eliminate some of the imperfections. If this doesn't work my next step is to gain weight so we can harvest fat and prepare for a fat transfer to fill in the gaps. This is a practice that is being done by many plastic surgeons across the country to help give a more natural look and feel to women post mastectomy.

I've been doing my very best to heal this time around sat my stubbornness aside taking it very easy and being cautious. I was very disappointed to learn that somehow I have managed to pop a stitch from the under portion of my left implant taking away from some of the gorgeous contour work that she had done. Aside from that, my muscles are tight and trying to protest my new foreign objects. Thing one is trying to drop and migrate outwards towards my armpit, and the missing stitch makes this fear a real possibility. She ordered me to begin wearing a very good extreme push up bra. This will force the implants to stay up and together hopefully causing them to heal in such a position. Zach was so sweet demanding we head straight to get one. He was patient as we walked circles around Victoria secrets grabbing every push up bra in the store for me to try on. The girl working the fitting room was so kind and acconodating while helping me find the perfect support and fit while. Meanwhile Zach picked out colors trying to add fun to the situation. I stood in the mirror for a bit staring at my reflection feeling akward and overly busty for my small frame. I had gone from nothing to this over a span of months and found myself feeling more self conscious than ever. The topic of nipples is One that has been placed on hold for a while. Our main focus at this time is to heal correctly and work on perfecting the softies. I admit, I'm a bit relieved to have been given more time to think about such a life changing decision.