Life goes on..

I still remember the way I felt when I learned I was going to have my first lumpectomy. Nauseated and full of fear. When I learned I would be having my second, a double this time, I was angry and annoyed that this was happening again. I didn't understand the how or why. When I found the 4th hamartoma ultimately leading to my double mastectomy I went numb, completely masking my emotions. The past year wasn't particularly easy, and the pain both physically and mentally seemed as if it would last forever. It is strange how a speed bump in the road of our lives can feel endless at times. Eventually the storm blows over, the clouds part and the sun shines again. Before you know it the hours turn into days, the days into weeks, and the weeks turn into months. You grow. Change, and adapt while embracing every moment whether you realize it or not. Life goes on, no matter the case. And eventually you feel ok again. If you're lucky you will discover the bigger reason behind the trials you faced.

The other weekend I slipped on my team underwires "proud to wear pink" t-shirt while fighting back bittersweet tears. A shirt I was gifted at my Tata to the tatas party. The same "T" I wore as I walked into the hospital that morning on June 16th.

My little and I, along with some friends, went to The last annual team underwire dinner/celebration/charity event. While I myself didn't have breast cancer and am not a survivor of such...I am proud to be a previvior.I had a disease leaving me predisposed with an 85% risk leading to the removal of my breasts. The cause will forever be one that touches my heart. To be surrounded by so many amazing women and men that have faced such trials and tribulations, proud, smiling, and excited to share their stories of hope. Awareness needs to be raised for those that have faught, are currently fighting, will fight, or are predisposed like myself. It isn't about saving the tatas, it is about saving the person beneath them.

Today is my 9th week with the foobs. Thing one and thing two are, ever so slowly healing beautifully. After seeing my plastic surgeon and having expansion put off week after week, apt after apt, I was finally able to receive an expansion today!!! I felt so much excitement when the nurse told me my skin finally looked well enough to move forward. Perhaps driving the hour there myself without so much as an ibeprofin wasn't the best choice I've ever made...but I'm certain the sheer excitement is what got me back home. My muscles are a bit tight, and sore...but I am delighted to feel such discomfort at this moment. We are moving forward.

I'm doing great and feeling pretty darn amazing!!I have been venturing out more, carefully testing my limits, keeping busy and being thankful for this life I've been blessed with. If this journey has taught me one thing, it is to cherish the little things. A few of my most recent cherished moments include:

*My 6 year old telling me that I look strange without nipples and asked if I could call my Dr and go get them sewed back on, leading to the question of where they went once they were removed...do I really want to know?!?!? Probably not! Haha.

*Putting on a swim suit for the first time since the mastectomy to join my friends for a pool party. While I had nothing to fill the top...I felt confident, proud and beautiful in it!! And Not having hard nipples to show upon the first plunge into the water was a win for me!! haha

*My ever so adorable (not) expansion bra leaving me self conscious due to it making it look as if I have hard nipples...only to laugh inside at how ironic this concern is. I have no nipples..why should I care?!?! Haha

*Being able to run again!!! While I am far from where I was..I am out there doing what I can and that leaves me feeling pretty darn excited!!

*Hopping on the very same bike Santa brought me when I was about 10, and joining my family for a nice 6 mile bike ride on my favorite trail.

It truly is the little things that matter most, and remind you just how good life is :-) I am on my 3rd week back to work (loving my new job btw!!!), I have been taking care of all house work and laundry again and am feeling back to myself. It has only been 9 weeks, yet it fees like forever...my forever. Before I know it this moment and these memories will be but a blur in a much larger picture. Even when time seems to stand still Life goes on.