Progressing on while stuck in limbo.

Today officially marks 7 weeks since the mastectomy!!!! 7! That's sort of a huge deal. I still remember laying eyes on our precious miracle at our 7 week ultra sound, a baby the size of a grain of rice with a bouncing beating heart. A lot can change in 7 weeks, and looking back I really have come so far. I would be lying if I said I didn't feel different. Something changed within me the day I parted with the lumpy twins, something I could never explain..not even to myself. I do know one thing though, it has been a true test and I like where the journey is taking me. The situations that didn't make sense to me just two months ago felt like a dense fog blanketing my vision. The fog is continually lifting illuminating the path to my future self. "Everything happens for a reason" is becoming more and more of something I feel, not just believe.

Life has picked back up and in so many ways and I am truly feeling like myself again. Whatever that may mean. I still see photos of myself from just a few months back, and I almost can't connect with her. I am not that girl anymore, I am better. I feel better. I am beaming with joy and excitement about many things taking place in our lives right now. My little has decided she wants to get back into dance so we registered her for the 2015-2016 dance year, and she will be starting 1st grade in two short weeks. It is hard to believe time has gone by so quickly when I can so vividly remember that first glimpse of her tiny beating heart. As a way to celebrate the beautiful changes life has thrown our way, we spent Saturday soaking in some sunshine with a picnic lunch and a relaxing paddle boat ride.

I went back to work yesterday, starting on a new career path! I am very excited, proud and in awe that I was given the opportunity to train in and work for the very salon that I first stepped into and fell in love with at the age of 15. A place that I am passionate about and feel at home in. I can't wait to see where I go from here as a front desk coordinator. I admit, I was so nervous to step back into the working world after 9 weeks off. I anxiously went through my clothing options to find something to hide my amazingly sexy expansion bras, threw on my favorite red lip and set out into the day. It felt amazing! I still find myself easily exhausted, and my chest muscles quickly get sore, but it feels great to be back out there.

Today I met with the nurse at my plastic surgeons office for the first time since I was put on hold two weeks ago. I was excited all day to get to my appointment so I could get that green light and resume the expansion process.

Much to my surprise, my body still isn't ready for it. Thing one is giving me a run for my money very slowly going about her healing process. Turns out the prednisone I had to go on last week to help aid my body in fighting off the chigger bites that I didn't have the immune system to battle only further slowed the healing. Who knew. I would be lying if I said I wasn't crushed, because I was. I Sat there, bitting my lip and holding in the tears. I was reminded that resuming expansion with how thin my skin is at this time could result in breaking that stubborn insicion open causing me to lose my left expander all together. I know, I'm reminded every time...but it is still a bummer all the same

I understand patience is key, and I know I will get there. But where the foobs are concerned, I feel as if I'm stuck in a holding pattern that I often wonder if I will ever get out of. While I'm a bit discouraged, my life is resuming all around me, even though I feel stuck. For that, I am incredibly thankful. I was told that I can ease back into vacuuming, and was even given the ok to run again!!! Words can't even describe the excitement this gives me!! Essentially I am back to myself. I mean, aside from the partly healed, half deflated foobs awaiting their expansion and swap procedure. But we will get there. I imagined myself being in such a different place at 7 weeks. I so badly want to be on the other side of this road, and close this chapter behind me. I shed my tears for the day, picked myself back up and Looking back at where I was, and where I am..I've come a long way. I have to be proud. I AM proud. As the saying goes "everything happens for a reason". I know one day said reason will shine bright and clear. Until then, I will continue to press on while stuck in limbo.