Where our happily ever after begins

It was a great day spent with both friends and family. As the pain begins to lift my smile increasingly grows. I can feel the bricks crumbling from my shoulders.

Tonight as my husband and I read poems to our daughter out of her favorite book I couldn't help but look at him and smile. Reflecting on all that we've been through over our years spent together. It was at the young age of 15 that I gave him my heart.

We were just kids; We grew up together. Over time, the things that would have torn other couples apart only continued to bring us closer together. Despite recent bumps in the road, I have never felt happier or more in love in my life. "In this moment I feel infinate", words that will forever remind me just how beautiful this life is. "When we numb the darkness we numb the light".

This past year was one of the hardest years we've been through and I think can speak for the both of us when I say there were moments that we wondered how we would make it through. After years of aggressive infertility treatment we knew the idea of having another child of our own was unlikely. We were so blessed to have been given such an incredible daughter; we have always felt complete as a family of three. However, we continued to hold onto the tiniest sliver of hope placing the idea of a surprise miracle in the back of our minds. Then one day learned I needed to have a hystorectomy. Not too long after that I found a lump in my breast. I could have never imagined that moment in time would lead us here....but I'm thankful it did. We are stronger now than we've ever been.

I remember hugging my husband and letting my daughter be my light as we waited for unknown test results. Three lumpectomies later and I was surrounded by friends and family at my very own Tata to the tatas party hanging bras from the ceiling and playing bra pong all while enjoying nipple shaped sugar cookies.

I remember wondering how could it be?! I was 27 and had just been diagnosed with a rare condition that left my breasts ticking time bombs. While I didnt have cancer, every new harmartoma that developed carried an 85% risk of malignancy. Even though we were affraid of the road ahead, we tried our hardest to continue to make memories and smile through the ride. On the weekend before the big surgery we drove 2 hours to the "beach" on a breezy 60 degree day just so I could wear a swimsuit with my breasts one last time. It rained, and our lips turned blue but we built sandcastles and ran through the water anyway.

There are still times I wonder if it all really happened; then I see my scars and smile because they remind me that I made it through. It is during those moments that I am greatful I have kept this blog. This entire process has been so much more than I could have ever imagined. I smiled, I cried, I laughed through the akwardness (My expanders had magnetic ports)

and at times I felt angry. I am human, I have feelings, at times I forgot that. There were moments where I felt completely alone in a world overflowing with people. That's when I decided to begin this blog. Life has many ups and downs, and you are never alone even when you feeling nothing but. Looking back to where it all began makes you realize just how far you've come. Cherish the little things, because one day that small thing could end up one of your greatest memories.

On June 15th I wrote: "Tomorrow is surgery day. Tomorrow is it. I have had an out pour of love and support today, many texts just checking in to see how I am doing, and wishing me well for what comes next. I don't know how I feel to be honest. I don't seem to feel anything at all. But I like to think I am ready, and I hope to make you all proud!!! I am ready to see what comes next. I am ready to be on the other side and start the next chapter. I am not losing my breasts. I am giving them in exchange for longevity and health. I am giving a part of me to ensure a long healthy future with my family. I chose to be proactive and kick ass before anything has the chance to kick mine. For that reason alone I am ready. Good things are ahead and the future is so bright."

I have finally made it <3

This surgery was different than all the rest. It signifies so much for our family. We are in that section of our book where the happily ever after begins. It feels just like that moment when you finish the race. That part where the pain stops and you can finally breathe again, but you are standing there waiting for the results to post so you can claim your medal. In this case my medal will be a new set of nipples. We have made it through all the hard parts.

Here is a look back on the road leading up to here

Being taken back for the mastectomy

One week post mastectomy with tissue expanders in place.

The day I got to trade my wrap in for a compression bra.

The start of expansion

Nine weeks post mastectomy half way through expansion

Marked and ready for my exchange surgery. I was so excited to part with those tissue expanders!!

My first peek at my new foobies post exchange.

After my first post mastectomy race

Foobs 3 months post exchange before fat harvest.

Post fat graft. I've made it. All roads have lead me to here.

tonight, for the first time since my mastecomty I looked down at my chest and actually felt something. The lipofill has improved the overall appearance. The tissue looks thicker, my skin looks more pink, and the fat has given the a feel that resembles a natural breast. I have been self conscious since the day I bid my final farewell to the lumpy twins. This last surgery changed that for me. The transitional period has finally come to an end and aside from the bruising and lack of nipples they finally look complete. Today as I looked into the mirror I felt a sense of pride and beauty.

This past year has changed me, it changed us. We smile brighter, and love deeper. We know the true feeling of for better or worse. We cried together as a family, we continued to have random living room dance parties and we found the silver linnings on every dark cloud. What would life be if the road was always smooth?? No matter if you're just starting on your journey or are stuck at the hills in the middle...remember that you will eventually reach a point where you can smile and look back feeling proud for having made it through.