Many would agree that life is the ultimate gift. Even when we are knocked down, and at our lowest of lows, it is important that we dig deep and find the ability to go to bed at night being thankful for something. There will always be someone out there that has it better, or worse than you do. Ultimately life will throw lemons at you time and time again, but it is up to you what you do with them. Do you let them hit the ground and allow them to rot? Perhaps you rather just throw them back? Do you keep them as free lemons and do nothing with them? OR do you take those lemons and make lemonade from them?? Honestly, when life gives me lemons, I rather make orange juice and leave the world wondering how I did it. I once came from a dark place, a place where I kept everything I was feeling, and all that I was going through to myself. I felt alone in my struggles as well as my accomplishments. I learned that by sharing your perspective on things, and what you're going through has the ability to help another feel connected. I want to make a difference. I want to remind the world that better days are ahead, if you just push through the storms. Life is about the little things and this chapter of my life is a constant reminder of that. That doesn't mean that we don't have days where it is hard to roll out of bed, or that we find ourselves crying in the shower where no one can hear us. We are only human after-all. True strength doesn't mean that we don't fall, because we will, it means that we are able to get back up and press on. I have continually reminded myself of that lately.
Last week was full of many ups and downs for me. I felt overwhelmed when I realized I only had 3 weeks left until the surgery, and as I sit here and type this blog I am down to 17 days from saying goodbye to the lumpy twins. Ultimately, I have felt amazing, and so happy. Perhaps it is the company I keep, or the fight deep within me that constantly reminds me I will be ok, perhaps it is both. Either way, I am finding it easier and easier to see the silver linings. As I get closer to my Tata to the Ta-ta's party, I am reminded that this is really happening, and that has left me feeling disconnected from my thoughts. I can proudly share my story, what I have been through, and exactly what is going to happen and why, yet I still can't come to terms with the realness of it all. I imagine with any big life changing event one would feel this way. Some things don't seem real until they actually happen, and no matter what we do there is no way to ever feel fully prepared. I remember feeling the same weeks leading up unto my wedding day nearly 10 years ago, and again as I laid in the operating room waiting to hear the cries of our sweet miracle as she was brought into this world.
I was flooded with emotions when a dear photographer friend of mine insisted that we do a boudoir photoshoot before I bid my final farewell. Being able to look back on those images and remember all that I was, the way I felt in that moment, and see how far I have grown during the years to come is something I will cherish forever. I can honestly say, it was on that shoot that I felt truly beautiful for the first time in a while, and more importantly, I felt strong, and confident, and bulletproof. My breasts have been a source of insecurities since having my first lumpectomy last June, that feeling tripled with the double lumpectomy last December. The indents and scares I wear on my chest, and now the new lumps I house...they have all left me almost angry and hating them and almost ashamed to bare them. Now that I am losing them I am reminded just how blessed I was to have them even though they are flawed.
It is in our flaws that true beauty lies and our strengths are revealed. I was proud to bare my chest, and embrace my body for all that it is, and all that it will be in my days to come. But even more so, I am almost to a point of feeling excited to see them go, knowing I will no longer have to look at them and feel afraid and wonder when and if another hamartoma will arise. Something changed in me that day that I could never explain and it is a memory that I will cherish even more than the photos themselves. "A life without worry, it's not easy but it's worth it". This couldn't be more true <3 I am ready to just live, and I am ready to fight to get to the next chapter of my life. Not all chapters are happy ones, but they are essential for growth, and build a foundation for the rest of the story.
All pictures are intended for inspirational purposes only and are copyrighted images and property of Lezlee LeFevre Photos
No comments:
Post a Comment