It has been 4 weeks now since the mastectomy and I have spent every second of that time channeling all my energy into healing. I knew the process would be a lot, but it really has been so much more than I could have ever imagined. The first three weeks consisted of The worst pain I had ever felt in my life. I'm not one for staying down for long so over time the pain and limitations frutstrated me to a point that I was questioning my ability to get through the expansion process. I had moments of wishing I had just chosen a flat chest over the reconstruction process. Last week was my worst in terms of emotional well being. And then one morning, after the usual stiffness wore off, I felt the best I had since the surgery. Both physically and mentally I felt awesome. Just like that. The nerves in my chest are slowly desensitizing, and my energy is coming back little by little with each day and overall my spirits are lifting and I'm starting to shine again. I've even been walking on my tredmill, doing leg extensions on my weight bench and using my stationary bike without using my arms.
This past weekend we enjoyed time with family, and went to see a play. It was so nice to get dolled up and feel pretty again. I needed the assistance of my 6 Year old to zip my dress, of course, but it felt awsome to be in something beyond the button ups and swing back tops I have been rocking. I even did my hair!
Today I was scheduled to meet with my nurse for my very first expansion. I had been going in weekly for progress checks, every time hoping I was ready to start expansion. And every week I was told the same.. "Your skin is just too thin you need more time". When I saw Dr Hagarty Last week she told me that today would be the day!!! I was nervously excited and though I had anxiety about it, I couldn't wait. I got to my apt and my nurse asked how "thing one" (the left foob) was healing so I undid my compression bra (that I am so proud of) and the puzzled look on her face left a knot in my stomach. I could read her mind, and I knew my insicion was still questionable. After driving an hour for the sole purpose of starting expansion and being so excited...I was worried I was about to be sent home in tears. The insicions delayed healing combined with the thin skin, my left side has been a constant source of throuble since day one. It still isn't healed as well as they had hoped and the insicion slightly parts when pressed on. Between the inscion and having little skin to spare they were very apprehensive about proceeding with today's scheduled fill. I posed a pretty good risk of splitting back open. But after a lot of pressing, poking, prodding and thought, she decided we would start with that side and slowly expand while watching the inscion, stopping if needed. I was able to take all 30cc's but was told to take it very very easy over the next week paying close attention to that side. I'm not even allowed to raise my arms over my head for the next few days. I was warned that because I am so tiny and don't have much tissue to begin with, the process will be much much slower for me and cause a lot more discomfort than it commonly would, especially since I have been fighting the pulling sensation in my sternum since the placement of the Expanders. I didn't feel much of the expansion itself thanks to the muscle relaxer I took before my appointment. However, as soon as I stood upright I felt it. The burning stretching feeling of my sternum and the pressure on my ribs are ones I don't think I will ever get used to..and they will only get worse. My chest is feeling pretty tight, and I went to cross my arms without thinking twice and was instantly yelled at by the foobs. Lol It is going to be strange getting used to the rocks on my chest as they continue to inflate, slowly becoming larger akward boulders with zero give. But, I am so so very excited to be in the beginning stages of this next chapter of my journey.
Zach was amazed by the fill. While it was only 30cc's, he said he could literally see my chest filling and expanding. Much like a balloon being blown up, my chest is slowly inflating. Now I wish I would have looked, but seeing needles going into my skin has never been something I've handled well, and that needle was massive! Haha no thanks! I can't believe how much of a difference such little bit of saline made! They instantly rounded a bit and are starting to look like something; I am only at 155cc's now, and my Expanders hold 400cc's. We've got a long way to go..but slow and steady will win this race, and I feel nothing but excitment!
Left side after fill and right side being filled
Before
After
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