"You just need more time"

Just five little words:"you just need more time". Those words have become some that I dread to hear, and ones I have recently heard more often than not. Today I am 5 weeks post op!!! 5 weeks isn't long in terms of our exsistance, yet when living in that moment, a few short weeks can feel like eternity.

I've been trying to make the very best of the situation and my time home. While I'm healing and have many physical limitations, I've greatly enjoyed the family time. This past weekend was who else lands annual hog roast and music fest. Our closest friends band "Trippin Molly" were playing so I surprised Zach with tickets for father's day. I wanted to make sure he didn't miss out on account of me. We packed up all my pillows, extra gauze and bras and off we went for a night away despite the sticky humid summer heat Illinois got hit with. I spent much of my time sitting in the shade either in a chair at our campsite, or at a picnic table down by the band's. It was such a relaxing mental vacation. I felt so awesome just being out, and for the night I felt like my old self again.

Today I met with my nurse for what was supposed to be my second expansion. I was very anxious for this appoitment as thing one has been really fighting to heal. I was so concerned that being hot and sweaty over the weekend had destroyed my chances of expansion for the week, and with good reason. The nurse asked how I was doing and I told her I was doing well, but nervous for her to see thing one. I slipped my oh so non flattering mastectomy bra off and she started to contemplate doing the fill. She took a picture and spoke with my plastic surgeon who eventually came in to see thing one for herself.

I knew what was coming next, and then she said it "You just need more time". My body is really fighting delayed healing and is doing the best it can. Essentially healing is based on a healthy blood flow to the effected area. Because my skin is it's thinest in that particular spot, it doesn't get as much blood flow as it otherwise would, thus slowing down the healing process. My foobs can't handle the exra pressure of another expansion without an increased risk of splitting the insicion back open. I am now in the midst of a two week break including lots of fresh fruits, veggies, vitamins, and increased protein to help promote healing. I was concerned about my time outside over the weekend and my surgeon assured me that sweaty foobs weren't the culprit. I've done all I can do to help my body heal. I think that may be why I'm so frustrated with them. I have taken it so easy, fought my ocd daily, and rested when possible. I have followed all drs orders and made sure I didn't reach, push, or pull and I avoided repetitive motions. I've done all I can. Honestly I'm starting to feel annoyed and discouraged with myself. I am no where close to where I imagined myself being at 5 weeks post op. This journey has been so much more than I anticipated it being. I know healing takes time, and that this is only a sliver of a fraction in the grand scheme of it all. But for now, in this moment I'm trying not to be disappointed. I will get there. I just need more time.