Drain free is the way to be

Its been a busy and equally emotional past few days here for me and the foobs. Zach went back to work Sunday night leaving me alone with my thoughts for the first time since surgery. I feel great much of the time, then when I least expect it something sets me off and my emotions take me by surprise. I was told by my Dr that there will be a rollercoaster of emotions that come and go as time continues on. It is a normal part of the healing process. I thought I would be different, turns out I'm not. Though bulletproof, I'm human too. My friend told me that if I didn't show emotion I would be a robot, and robots are boring. Haha Getting comfortable in bed is a hard task to achieve these days. I tried to move in an attempt to get comfortable and was hit with a wall of pain and then emotions flooded over me. I had my first real, deep, sobbing long cry. And I couldn't stop. I had detached myself from my breasts prior to the surgery in an attempt to mentally prepare. I am very happy that I had the mastectomy, I know it was a wonderful decision and one that promises a bright healthy future, I am blessed. I know that to be true. I have gone through the steps of the journey without allowing myself to feel the realness of it all, aimlessly going to appointments and continuing on without slowing down to really take it all in. I feel it from time to time, but Sunday night it really hit hard. I still feel guilty having any emotions other than smiles pertaining to the situation. When I felt that pain in my chest that night the reality truly hit, and I eventually cried myself to sleep. Maybe it is what I needed. I woke up the next morning feeling like new. And I haven't shed a single year since.

Yesterday I met with my breast surgeon for my 2 week post op. I won't see her again for 3 months. We went over the pathology report which showed that I had multiple hamartomas (beyond the one we knew about). I had Fibroadenomas in the left breast as well as fibercystic breasts. Dr Keller is very happy with our joined decision to remove the "girls" and said the hamarotmas would have been a continuous life long fight of mamograms and lumpectomies had any breast tissue been left. It is reassuring to know that I made the right decision. Now I continue the next leg of this journey with my plastic surgeon.

It seems like every couple days, we are making the hour long trip to a drs apppointment. I giggle inside when they hand me a gown to put on, to leave open in the front, only to slip it off my shoulders minutes later when the Dr comes in, ultimately leaving me topless. I once (many years ago) flashed my sister's roommate with a few other girls in exchange for pizza haha...now I show my chest daily and get nothing..not even beads! Lol

Saw my plastic surgeon for my 2 week post op with her. The appointment didn't quite go as planned but I am officially drain free! Wooohoo! Words can't even express how amazing it feels to have them gone!!

Unfortunately I am still pretty bruised and my inscicions are still healing so we couldn't remove my steri strips or stitches as planned, and due to the current condition of my skin we didn't start expansion either. My skin is still paper thin and needs a bit more time. stretching too soon will kill the healing tissue and my skin will die. I am scheduled to go back next Tuesday to be assesed again and have my stitches removed and possibly have my first expansion if all goes well. Dr Hagarty looked at my seroma and decided to drain it to alleviate some of the added pressure it was causing my thin tissue and found it to be blood rather than the watery fluid that usually make up seromas. Which could only mean one thing. I've been doing too much. Selma is no longer with us and it turns out I had tore some of the healing blood vessels resulting in a pocket of blood beneath my expander. The expanders aren't sewn in, but are placed between the pocket created in the pectoral muscle. They are very course in texture to keep them in place. It was explained as having a sheet of loose sand paper in my chest rubbing against freshly cut muscle with each time I raise my arm..so moving too much can be damaging while healing :-/ Now I'm benched. One wouldn't think that reaching over head for a cereal bowl, doing dishes, or gently wiping down counters would be doing too much. I was lectured and reminded that a mastectomy is a major surgery and was told for the next 4 weeks I am to do nothing beyond rest my muscles. No pushing, pulling, reaching, raising arms over head or across my chest. This will be a stuggle for me as I already feel completely lazy and worthless. I have a hard time needing help and watching others clean my house. Aside from the minor setbacks, I am doing well and continuing to pick up my feet and coast taking it one day at a time. Singing out- nippless and fabulous