A few miles to go

This past week has been an emotional one full of reflection. As I get closer and closer to the one year anniversary of my mastectomy I find myself overrun with emotions I never knew to exsist. During this time last year I was affraid and numb. I knew I was about to face the hardest thing I had ever experienced, and I wasn't sure how I would make it through. Life is full of ups and downs and at times it is hard not to feel as if we are stuck in a downward spiral that we will never make it out of. I am here to tell you that you will! No matter what you may be facing in life, better days are always ahead.

I tried my best to push through the hard times with a smile and grace, while internally I suffered from depression and numbness. I was happy, but secretly struggled with all that was going on. I am human, and so are you. It is normal to have moments of question when life deals an unfavorable card. But what would life be if we were constantly surrounded by sunshine and rainbows? We have to have storms to appreciate the blue skies. I have gone back a number of times and read my early blog posts as tears stream down my face, but these aren't tears of sadness, but of happiness. I remember crumbling on my bathroom floor telling my husband I didn't know that I could do this. I was so affraid, but now I am nothing but proud. I made it through the hardest race I've ever faced.

I met with my plastic surgeon today for my 8 week follow up from my last surgery. I went into this appointment so excited. This was the appointment we would discuss the plan for my nipples. I wanted nothing more than those medals to signify the end of this journey. Except things didn't go as planned, as they rarely do. Dr was very happy to see how beautifully thing one and two are holding up from this last round of fat transfer. It looks as if all the fat has survived and all ripples and indents are a thing of the past. The one large deformity that I had noticed on the right side (that I had accepted and chose to deal with) turned out to be my scar tissue slicing the fat in half and pushing down on my implant. I am in the begining stage of capsular contracture. The discussion of nipples will remain on hold over the next few months as I see a physical therapist at least once a week for the next three months to get it under control. Without therapy the contracture will cause my implant to deform, harden and can even suffocate my implant compromising it all together. I'm completely bummed out. I know the worst is behind me but I was ready to be done. I was excited for those medals of triumph and the end of the race. Turns out I have a few miles to go, but I will get there one step at a time. The end will just be that much more sweeter.

8 weeks post second fat transfer, and awesome tan lines.

Hat fun with my little after my apt today. She always knows how to turn my frown upside down.