Be proud to be rare

I've been terrible at keeping up on my blog lately. You almost forget how quickly life flies by when you aren't contained to a bed or couch to heal. The days used to seem endless, yet now time seems so limited. In reality it always has been. We never know when our time is up. We are so quick to allow lack of time to be an excuse when really we should embrace the things we love because of our limited time. I think we could all stand to put our own desires first every now and again wouldn't you agree?

It was brought to my attention that I had never shared the findings of my most recent ultra sound with my blog readers. I do apologize for having kept you hanging. The two lumps I had found in my chest a few months back turned out to be oil cysts created by necrotic fat tissue; just as we suspected and prayed. It's been a couple months now, and my chest has turned into a giant dot to dot fun page, there are so many now, I can't even count them (sometimes you just have to laugh at the cards you're given, they really could be worse, at least you have cards). Some of the lumps are even large enough to see. Or perhaps my skin is just that thin. It's hard to get used to them being there. It gives that flash back feeling of the time you found that first lump, and you wanted to throw up. We were raised to detect masses in our breasts. What do we do when our breasts are removed? Its hard to ignore them and remind yourself that they are all cysts, all breast tissue has been removed, the ultra sound showed cysts. Its a mental game of personal reassurment. They are just another part of the foobs now, along with the indents and lines (they are back). I was upset over it in the beginning, but I've had time to accept them. They were a risk I took in going through with the fat transfer. A risk I was unaware of, but a risk non the less. I'm learning if there is a small risk factor of what "could" happen, to just expect it. I'm not a pessimist by any means, I'm actually pretty optimistic in life. It's just that someone has to make up those small percentages, I have a track record of being that girl. And I'm proud to be her. You're welcome.

Last week I got the call from Mayo!!! I'm next on the list and have an appointment with their genetics team Monday March 13th! I will finally meet with a team that is used to the rare percent, perhaps someone that has even seen breast hamartomas before. Around here most Dr's have never even heard of these things, let alone what could have caused them. Being that I had multiple, with a high incidence rate, my surgeon diagnosed me with hamartosis..which really says nothing at all, other than I had multiple hamartomas. Because hamartomas are so rarely found in the breast and go hand in hand with a number of genetic diseases, it is important to have genetic testing done to find which form of hamartomsis I have. It's important to not only understand the nature of said disease for my daughters future and the future of women to come, but to also know if I'm at risk of having hamartomas in other areas of my body. Areas that can't be detected as easily as my God given saggy mom boobs once allowed. Part of me doesn't want to go. I'm afraid to be honest. I had just finished part of my journey and was getting comfortable 'just living'. Sometimes it's easier not to know. But does not knowing change the truth?? The truth remains whether you've found it or not. It is important to push your fears aside, whatever they may be and fight. You should always fight for an answer, discover your truth, learn all you can, for your health, your future, and your children's future. Knowledge is power. Finding the answer can be a frightening process, but there is comfort and peace in knowing you did all you could. You never know, your bravery and fight could end up saving the life of another someday. Rare souls should be shared. You could be the very fuel that inspires another to write their story with pride. What defines normal anyway? Smile because you are that rare 1%! I know I am. I'm ready to crush this next step in this journey called life.