Adrenaline fuled by excitement

I can't believe it's been 2 months since my last blog post. Life continues to slip on by faster than I can keep up. Things are going well, and finally I feel like the end is near. I know I've said that a million times now, but this time it has to be true right?! I have been going to physical therapy for the past two months now to break down the scar tissue that was taking over my implants. Therapy came with many ups and downs and more moments of tears and ice packs than I'd like to admit. If there is one thing this process has taught me it is patience. Nothing is your forever. While some journeys take longer than others, everything eventually comes to an end.

Aside from physical therapy, a lot has happened over the past two months. I am slowly regaining my confidence and becoming proud of my body, imperfections and all. Going through a mastectomy is a lot. You never realize how an amputation of your breasts effects you mentally until you're there. I imagine it is a stronger mental battle for some than it is for others. Everyone deals differently and that is ok. We can't compare our emotions to those of others. While I would rarely admit, I really struggled for a while. Not so much for the loss itself, but for everything that came with it. Thankfully my down days are becoming few and far in between and I'm learning to embrace what is, and that is my health. With that I have found the ultimate happiness.

Since my last post I ran the Reagan run 5k for the very first time since my first lumpectomy 2 years ago! I was nervous tackeling the many hills of this race. Especially being newly recovered from using my legs as donor sites for my most recent fat transfer. My goal was to run the entire thing and to just be happy to finish. Let's be honest, I tend to put a lot of pressure on myself, set goals and become angry with myself for not reaching them. Thankfully I had some incredible friends there at both the start and finish line keeping me realistic with my expectations. I finished the race with a time of 27:11 placing me 18th out of 103 in my division. It wasn't my best ever, but it was the best I could do on that day with all things considered. Crossing that finish line felt exhilarating and reminded me just how much I had missed running.

Right before the mastectomy happened I was blessed to have been hired by an incredible company. A beautiful salon company full of many amazing women that were there for me through every surgery, every tear and every celebration. They aided me in my weight gain for the fat transfers by bringing me food and candy galor, they hugged me after Drs apts didn't go as planned and they laughed at my lame nipple-less jokes. I remember feeling sore and awkward just 7 weeks post mastecomy when I came in for my first day of work. Earlier this month I celebrated my 1 year anniversary being a part of this team and recently received a promotion!!!

On Tuesday my physical therapist broke up with me. We had another month scheduled out so I was very surprised when she smiled and told me she was done with me. I hugged her and cried. It was a bitter sweet moment, and another moment closer to the end. Unfortunately we were unable to achieve the desired results we set out for. We have known since day one my skin was very thin and had little give. She was able to stretch and thin out my scar tissue as much as my body would physically allow. A few trouble areas remain, but there is nothing more we can do. I was told the pain and discomfort is something I will always have. Because my skin is so tight and my implants are so heavy the weight and pull of them will forever be an issue. I still question whether or not I was given implants too big for my tiny frame. I really wish I had been given an option. All that aside, the foobs really are beautiful and perfect in their own way. Every time I move my arms my chest morphs and molds into a not so pretty state, but I will consider it my new super power. I am now a mighty morphing power ranger...or something like that. Indents, ripples and creases are back but only when I move certain ways, and I'm ok with that.

I am hopeful that I'm near the end this time. Adrenaline fueled by excitement is pulsing through my veins. I am another step closer. Because I was released from therapy I called my plastic surgeon and moved my follow up apt to next Tuesday. It seemed pointless to wait until mid september. If all goes well I will leave her office knowing the date of my award ceremony aka the day I finally receive my nipples and cross my finish line. ❤